For full disclosure, I spent my first year in Germany as an au pair for a lovely German family in Berlin, so I often acted as a fly on the wall observing various German parents.
And while I could recognize many of their methods from my own American upbringing, there were certain rituals that gave me a bit of culture shock.
1. The vast amount of strange contraptions to transport little ones
Germans certainly can get creative when it comes to keeping their youngsters in tow. The precarious-looking buggies they have strapped to the front or back of their bikes still give me anxiety as I watch parents speed along busy city streets.
These surely must be safety risks? But alas I doubt police keep records of Fahrradanhänger-related injuries, so I cannot provide an answer.
2. Letting them play outside in freezing, awful weather
Perhaps this is just the impression of someone who grew up in warmer climates, but seeing German kids clambering around on playgrounds amid subzero temperatures and howling winds was quite a shock to me.
But parents here abide by the German saying: Es gibt kein schlechtes Wetter, es gibt nur falsche Kleidung - There’s no such thing as bad weather, only bad clothing.
3. Impractical snow suits
But despite what the Germans say about bad clothing, they apparently haven’t yet realized how awful and impractical those adorable one-piece snowsuits are. The target demographic for this garment - toddlers - are the worst choice for handling its fundamental restraints because they simply haven’t yet mastered bladder control. And still, come winter, this outfit is ubiquitous around schools and parks.
As soon as you hear that little desperate plea of ich muss pullern - I have to pee - you know it’s already a race to find the loo, and then you also have to unzip the snowsuit and take out the child’s arms before they can finally relieve themselves. Spoiler alert: that snowsuit often loses in the end and has to make a trip into the washer.
4. School ‘bags’ for their first day
Kids carrying their "school bags" in Dresden. Photo: DPA.
Honestly, I'm a bit more jealous of this ritual than baffled by it. Going off to that first day of Grundschule (primary school) is a much bigger deal in Germany than I remember it being for me in the US, and it's tradition to give kids a Schultüte - school bag - to celebrate.
But the confusing thing about this "bag" is that it's not actually any sort of bag or backpack as the name suggests, but rather a colourful cone filled with sweets and goodies.
5. Reading them very violent stories
Stories from the classic book Struwwelpeter. Photo: Peter/Flickr Creative Commons.
The first time I read the original German Brothers’ Grimm stories to the children I was babysitting, I found myself trying to censor the content. Especially when the kids asked me to translate the stories into English, I wondered whether that also should mean translating them through my American sensibilities.
From Hansel and Gretel being outright abandoned by their parents - rather than simply lost in the woods - to Snow White’s wicked queen being forced to dance herself to death, I struggled with reading these disturbing tales to such impressionable young minds.
And another German classic, Der Struwwelpeter, is no better. In it, one girl accidentally lights herself on fire and burns to death, a boy has his thumbs cut off with scissors, and another boy starves himself to death.
I’ll take the happy Disney endings instead, thank you.
6. Eating lunch exactly at noon
I suppose this one is just about Germans taking their term for lunch literally - Mittagessen literally means "noon meal". At least it gives children some sense of a structured routine during the day.
Of course, getting kids to actually sit down right at noon is another story.
But the habit even seems to stick for adults, as you may notice with your German co-workers.
7. Not teaching them to read until age six
At least in the schools I attended in the US, it seemed there was a big push to get kids reading before age five and kindergarten.
But in Germany reading seems to be saved for when they first enter Grundschule at age six, with Kitas and Kindergartens careful not to focus too much on academics before then.
Still, getting a later start doesn’t seem to be having a negative impact: The latest PISA school performance report defined Germany as having a comparatively high share of “top performers” in reading, with scores above both the UK and US.
8. Letting kids play near or with fireworks
Okay so this little one is still too young for even Germans to entrust with these fireworks, but the fact that this photo exists says something. Photo: DPA.
One of my closest German friend’s favourite childhood memories is setting off fireworks on New Year’s Eve. And now that she lives in the US where purchasing these explosive devices is more restrictive in certain regions, she’s especially excited to return to Germany to watch things explode.
I was taken aback here how casually these pyrotechnics are sold in abundance at supermarkets. And Germany even has a special classification of lower-risk fireworks for kids that can be purchased over the age of 12.
But perhaps the fact that Germans are comfortable with this - and not enough fingers go missing around the holidays for them to want to change things - reveals more about American parenting habits: we're a bit too cautious.
So maybe it's better to stand back a bit, let them launch explosives into the freezing air while wearing their snowsuits, and trust that kids have a little more instinctive common sense than we give them credit for.