After a Dutch comedy show’s video went viral recently, introducing Donald Trump to the “best language in Europe” and a “fantastic” pony park, the Germans have taken their own stab at explaining their country to the American leader.
In a video uploaded to YouTube on Thursday, comedian Jan Böhmermann jokes that he was incensed that the Dutch had asked to be “second” in Trump’s “America first” mentality.
“Stop Holland! We want to be number two,” Böhmermann exclaimed. “Because we are strong, we are big, and who else if not us deserves to be given a third chance.”
Böhmermann then went on to explain that they had to make their message “as simple as possible” for Trump because “he does not read”. So the show used a Trump impersonator to narrate the video in the president’s “own language”.
The comedic “introduction” by the Federal Republic of Germany includes calling the Dutch “dangerous”, describing Oktoberfest as the “best beerfest God ever created”, and referring to Germans peeing out beer as Bud Light.
The video also highlights Germany’s FKK nudist culture, Freikörperkultur, or literally “free body culture”.
“America has the KKK, Germany has the FKK. Pussies everywhere, so great. It’s like being backstage at a Miss Universe pageant,” the narrator states, a clear reference to reports that Trump would barge into pageant rooms while women were changing for the beauty contests he owned.
When the narrator goes on to praise German leaders, the video shows footage of Adolf Hitler, commending his “great hair, great suit”.
“He made Germany great again,” the narrator states over the clips of Hitler. “The media totally loved him, wrote only nice things about him… Steve Bannon absolutely loves him.”
The voice also brags about how Germany started “the best World Wars in the world.”
“And we won both of them - bigly. Anyone who says anything else is fake news. Period.”
Moving into the country’s post-War and Cold War history, the narrator boasts of the country’s rebuilding.
“We built a great German wall. Just built it. And we made the Russians pay for it. It’s true.”
Perhaps the least accurate part of the video is when the narrator starts to laud Chancellor Angela Merkel, who Trump has criticized for “ruining Germany” with her liberal refugee policy.
Would Trump like her “even more than Melania”, as the Böhmermann video suggests? Time will only tell, and so far the first scheduled meetinf of the two leaders will be at the G20 summit in Hamburg in July.
This is not the first time Böhmermann has taken aim at Trump - or a foreign leader for that matter. In his viral video “Be Deutsch”, the satirist used the hashtag #MakeGermanyGreatAgain, referring to Trump’s own slogan. He also sang about “maniacs with wicked hair… we have already been there,” in yet another comparison of Trump to Hitler.
But Böhmermann found himself in international legal trouble when he wrote a satirical poem about Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdogan. The Turkish leader unsuccessfully tried to have Germany launch a full criminal procedure against Böhmermann under a little used law that prohibits insulting foreign leaders.
But just last week, Merkel’s cabinet voted to eliminate this law - so Böhmermann seems safe now with his skewering of Trump.