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Bikes and body hair - German Valentine tips

The Local · 14 Feb 2013, 10:34

Published: 14 Feb 2013 10:34 GMT+01:00

1. Firstly, there is no fashionably late in Germany - be on time.

2. The date went well, and now you want to stalk them on Facebook. No chance; Germans take data protection and online privacy very seriously and if they haven't given themselves a fake name they may well have a completely private profile.

3. Germans like bikes, so if you are confident enough to mix a few Rieslings with two wheels, go to a date on your bike, as they likely will too. It's the helmet dilemma - risk arriving with squashed hair or getting brain damage when falling off on the way home?

4. Directness can be a blessing and a curse but to Germans it's the only way. This may reduce small-talk to a minimum. Browse a couple of newspapers beforehand to keep conversation flowing and avoid being outed as an ignorant expat.

5. As a foreigner, you're probably here to work. But many Germans your age may well still be studying, even into their early 30s. This doesn't mean your date is endlessly retaking exams, but may rule out a number of conversational gambits.

Valentine photo 36871109.jpg

Click here for dating tips in pictures

6. Don't worry about your German skills - they will probably speak English better than you speak German, or even English for that matter.

7. Expect to split the bill for dinner - a German woman will mean it when she offers to pay half, while a German man will accept even your most half-hearted suggestion to share. Cut the squabbling and go Dutch.

8. Managed to make your way back to theirs and into a state of undress? Don't panic when the hairy bits are in different places than you might expect - shaved armpits, chests and nether regions can be common on men - and less common on women. Embrace it, a little role reversal never did any harm.

Story continues below…

9. Germans seem to have an unfathomable propensity for sickening nicknames, so get used to be called Mausi, (little mouse) Schatzi, (little treasure), Zaubermaus (magic mouse) and, The Local's personal favourite, Kuschelbär (cuddly bear).

10. Finally; single and hoping to meet that special someone in a bar? Think again because unlike Anglo friends, Germans tend to be less inclined to go scouting for a night of passion in the country's many, many watering holes. This means that you'll likely arrive and leave with the same people you went out with.

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The Local (news@thelocal.de)

Your comments about this article

12:25 February 14, 2013 by yllusion
This was pretty funny :-) Liked it.
13:11 February 14, 2013 by Firmino
Good article! It was quite funny and has good advice. I haven't been living in Germany for very long so some useful tips for me here!
13:32 February 14, 2013 by ichbines
Better yet, go home! Don't stop on go don't collect 200 dollars, just go home!
13:37 February 14, 2013 by The-ex-pat
Germans like bikes, so if you are confident enough to mix a few Rieslings with two wheels, go to a date on your bike........

Are you really advocating drink driving Local, you do know that pedal bike or car the law sees no difference in Germany....??
14:18 February 14, 2013 by Omufu
The-ex-pat is right! If you drink and cycle you can get points deducted from your car license :P
14:21 February 14, 2013 by Firmino
Yeah, drinking and riding a bike is a really stupid thing to do.
16:02 February 14, 2013 by ELDUDERINO
But I like doing stupid things. It's part of my cultural makeup.

Also, you need to have a drivers licence in order to have points added to it...
16:04 February 14, 2013 by Lykurgus
Drinking gives me the courage to ride a bike in Germany.

Especially when the streets are narrow.
16:17 February 14, 2013 by rugbycoach
In Germany, if you are cycling on a designated cycle path you are allowed to be twice the driving alcohol limit. This does not apply sharing the road where the usual limit applies.
19:10 February 14, 2013 by The-ex-pat
16:02 February 14, 2013 by ELDUDERINO

But I like doing stupid things. It's part of my cultural makeup.

Also, you need to have a drivers licence in order to have points added to it...

Try it and you will see how wrong you are..........You can also be in the situation where you will be required to take the idiot test to be able to ride your bike again. This has been reported more than one here.

16:17 February 14, 2013 by rugbycoach

In Germany, if you are cycling on a designated cycle path you are allowed to be twice the driving alcohol limit. This does not apply sharing the road where the usual limit applies.

Again, give it a whirl and see how long you are without your four wheel Pferd.....

http://bicyclegermany.com/german_bicycle_laws.html
04:19 February 15, 2013 by RainerL
Yes! Go home and save your money before blowing it on Pussy
08:23 February 15, 2013 by Bryant2012
LOL. I couldn't have said it any better RainerL:)
17:10 February 22, 2013 by CoolBlueIce
I've often wondered how people get together in Germany to make baby Germans in the first place. I've dated women from lots of different countries and no one even comes close to the "unnahbar" women in Germany.

For example, try flirting with a woman on a bus. In 1/100th of a second you will get the death glance messages that translates to, "Drop your eye contact now or risk my using this giant meat hook, which I keep in my purse for just such occasions, to hang you upside down by your testicles from yonder tree."

I know that's a lot of information to convey in 1/100th of a second, but somehow they get the job done.
21:24 February 27, 2013 by Bigfoot76
CoolBlueIce said "I've often wondered how people get together in Germany to make baby Germans in the first place".

Well that is the problem we are having here. People are not getting together and making "baby Germans". The population is in decline. We better start sending those ladies to the bar to meet men eh?
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