In 2017, parents of a single child get paid €192 a month to spend on their pride and joy. And that money flows in from the first month of the child's life right up until they turn 25 years of age.
And that's just the start of it. The parents get another €192 for their second child, €198 for the third, and €223 for every kid they bring into the world after that.
All that means that parents with four children receive €805 every month, just so the rest of us have to step out of the way of a gaggle of screaming toddlers on the pavement.
Thankfully, Kindergeld (child benefit) hasn’t risen very much over the past few years. It remained unchanged between 2010 and 2014, then rose moderately from €184 for the first child to €192 over a three-year period.
But now Angela Merkel’s Christian Democrats (CDU) have announced plans to bump up Kindergeld payments by €25 a month if they get reelected.
Parents who don’t wish to receive child support can also receive a tax exemption called a Kinderfreibetrag, currently on the first €7,356 of their household income. Merkel also wants to raise this figure to €8,820, which she calls “a strong signal for the future.”
What with the birth rate rising to its highest level in several decades last year, those who prize a calm and restful morning walk into work appear to be in for a rude awakening.